What You Need To Know About Soulmates: Why the “One and Only” Puts Too Much Pressure on Relationships
By: Chantal Landreville, Certified Love & Relationship Coach and author of Raise Your Love Signal: A Guide to Attracting and Keeping the Love of Your Life
I used to be a firm believer in the idea of soulmates. The notion that there was ‘the one’ out there for me—someone destined to be my perfect match—was deeply ingrained in how I approached love and relationships, a belief reinforced by the romanticized concepts popularized in fairy tales, movies, and even certain spiritual beliefs. So, like many, I was captivated by the idea of fated love and that the relationship would be effortless because it was meant to be. However, it wasn’t until I found myself in the kind of relationship I’m in now that I began to understand how misleading and dangerous the soulmate myth can be. In this article, I’ll share insights into why the concept of a soulmate is more harmful than helpful, the science behind successful relationships, and a redefinition of what a true “soulmate” should be.
The Science of Relationships: The Myth of “The One”
The idea that only one person in the world is our perfect match can lead to a never-ending search for perfection, where potential partners are discarded for not living up to an idealized standard. However, relationship science tells a different story.
Research in psychology shows that successful relationships are not about finding a perfect match but about two people committed to building a solid bond. Studies published in the Journal of Marriage and Family reveal that the most successful relationships are those where partners are adaptable, communicate effectively, and are willing to grow together. Compatibility is not written in the stars but built over time through shared experiences, understanding, and compromise.
Dr. John Gottman, a renowned psychologist, has emphasized that the key to a successful relationship is not finding someone who completes you but how well you navigate conflict, support each other, and maintain a deep friendship. This idea of working on a relationship contrasts dramatically with the soulmate myth, which implies that the relationship should be effortless if you’re with “the one.”
The Pressure of Perfection: Unrealistic Expectations in Relationships
Believing in a soulmate can create unnecessary pressure. When we expect our partners to be our perfect match in every way, we set them up for failure. No one is perfect, and no one can always meet our needs. This myth often leads to disappointment when reality doesn’t match the idealized version of love we’ve been taught to expect.
This pressure can also cause people to overlook red flags or stay in unhealthy relationships because they believe they are with their soulmate and that things will eventually work out. On the other hand, it can lead to a quick exit at the first sign of trouble because the relationship isn’t living up to the “happily ever after” fantasy. Both scenarios are unrealistic and prevent people from experiencing real, lasting love.
Redefining Soulmates: A Healthier Perspective
Instead of viewing a soulmate as a perfect match, let’s redefine what a soulmate can be from a healthy perspective. Instead of being “the one,” a soulmate can be someone who challenges you, helps you grow, and supports you in becoming the best version of yourself. This person isn’t perfect, neither are you, but together you create something solid and meaningful.
A genuine soulmate relationship is built on mutual respect, understanding, and a shared commitment to making the relationship work. It’s about being with someone who sees your flaws and loves you anyway, stands by you in difficult times, and grows with you through life’s challenges. This kind of relationship is not about finding your other half but creating a fulfilling partnership together.
Breaking Free from the Disney-fied Fantasy
The romanticized version of soulmates movies and fairy tales have fed us is just that—a fantasy. Real love is messy, complicated, and requires effort from both partners. It’s not about finding someone who magically makes everything perfect but about finding someone willing to navigate life’s imperfections with you.
By letting go of the soulmate myth, we can free ourselves from the unrealistic expectations and pressure it creates. We can learn to appreciate the beauty in imperfect relationships and the growth that comes from working through challenges together. Love is not about finding someone who completes you; it’s about finding someone who complements you, supports you, and is committed to building a life with you.
Ultimately, the traditional concept of soulmates is unrealistic and can do more harm than good in our relationships. By redefining what a soulmate truly is—seeing them as a partner in growth rather than a symbol of perfection—we open ourselves up to healthier, more fulfilling connections that can weather life’s challenges. Love isn’t about destiny it’s about choice, commitment, and the willingness to work together through life’s ups and downs.
ABOUT:
Chantal Landreville is an author, Speaker and a Toronto-based certified Love and Relationship Coach with over two decades of experience in personal growth and human connection. In her quest to challenge the “Disney-fied” notions of love we’ve all been fed; Chantal introduces the true reality of what love means. She is here to disrupt the myths and fairy tales, guiding people toward understanding that real love is about creating genuine, lasting connections built on mutual respect, emotional safety, and shared growth. Her mission is to help individuals discover the path to authentic and lasting love and she is dedicated to empowering her readers with the knowledge and tools needed to create healthy, fulfilling relationships.
