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This Valentine’s Day, Fall in Love with Yourself First!
By: Chantal Landreville, Certified Love & Relationship Coach and author of Raise Your Love Signal: A Guide to Attracting and Keeping the Love of Your Life
Valentine’s Day has never been my thing. Ironically, I started feeling this way after I got into a relationship. The more I embraced love in my life, the more I realized that love shouldn’t be confined to a single day or dictated by a commercialized holiday. Love—real, meaningful love—should be celebrated every day. And yet, for many, Valentine’s Day feels like an unavoidable reminder of what they don’t have, rather than a celebration of the love they do have.
Here’s the truth: Valentine’s Day isn’t just about romance. It’s about love in all its forms—friendship, family, community, and most importantly, the love you have for yourself. So this year, instead of waiting for someone else to make you feel special, I invite you to shift your focus inward and embark on the most important love affair of your life—the one with yourself.
The Foundation of Self-Love
Loving yourself isn’t just a trendy hashtag or about bubble baths and affirmations (though those can be great!). It’s a fundamental pillar of healthy relationships and overall well-being. It’s about truly valuing who you are, setting boundaries, and recognizing your worth. Yet, many people struggle with self-love because they’ve been conditioned to believe it’s selfish or indulgent.
In reality, self-love is the foundation of every healthy relationship. How you treat yourself sets the standard for how others treat you. If you neglect your own needs, tolerate poor treatment, or rely on external validation, you’re more likely to end up in relationships—romantic or otherwise—that drain rather than fulfill you.
A 2022 study by the Canadian Mental Health Association found that 46% of Canadians feel lonely or isolated, despite being surrounded by people. This loneliness isn’t just about lacking a partner; it’s about lacking a deep, fulfilling relationship with yourself. When you love and accept yourself fully, you become your own best company, and relationships become a choice, not a necessity.
The Canadian Self-Love Landscape
In Canada, self-love varies significantly across different demographics. Interestingly, self-love increases with age, with those under 35 being significantly more likely to score in the lowest 25% of self-love scores. This trend highlights the importance of nurturing self-love from a young age. Single Canadians tend to have lower self-love, with an index score of 46 compared to 53 among those who are married.
The Power of Self-Connection
Many people believe that finding love will fill a void, but the healthiest relationships come from two whole individuals choosing to share their lives—not from two incomplete people looking for someone else to complete them.
Canadian psychologist Dr. Lisa Firestone emphasizes that self-compassion is key to emotional well-being. People who practice self-love experience lower levels of anxiety and depression and report greater life satisfaction. When you truly enjoy your own company, you radiate confidence, and that energy attracts the right people—friends, partners, and even professional connections—who align with your values.
Practical Ways to Fall in Love with Yourself
So how do you actually fall in love with yourself? Here are a few steps to get started:
- Date Yourself – Prioritize activities that nourish your body, mind, and soul. Take yourself out for coffee, a nice dinner, or even a solo weekend getaway. Enjoy your own company without distractions.
- Set Boundaries – Learn to say no to things that don’t align with your values or well-being. Respect your own needs and communicate them clearly to others.
- Celebrate Your Wins – Don’t wait for someone else to acknowledge your achievements. Celebrate them yourself—big or small. Keep a gratitude journal to focus on the positive aspects of your life.
- Practice Self-Compassion – Speak to yourself the way you would speak to a dear friend. Replace self-criticism with encouragement.
- Invest in Personal Growth – Read books, take courses, or seek therapy or coaching. Growth strengthens your sense of self.
- Surround Yourself with Love – Spend time with people who uplift and inspire you. Let go of toxic relationships that don’t serve you.
Love Starts With You
When you truly love yourself, the benefits extend far beyond your personal well-being. Self-love fuels romantic love by reducing insecurity and creating a stable emotional base. It allows you to approach relationships as equal partnerships, fostering mutual respect and reciprocity. Moreover, self-love enhances your ability to regulate emotions, leading to healthier communication and conflict resolution in relationships. By loving yourself first, you set the standard for how others should treat you, creating more fulfilling and satisfying relationships.
As we approach Valentine’s Day, I challenge you to reframe your perspective. Instead of focusing solely on romantic gestures or lamenting your single status, use this day as a catalyst for self-love. Make it a day where you honor your worth, nurture your happiness, and commit to loving yourself fully. Because when you truly love yourself, you set the stage for every other relationship in your life to flourish.
So, what’s one thing you can do today to show yourself love?
Happy You Day!
ABOUT:
Chantal Landreville is an author, Speaker and a Toronto-based certified Love and Relationship Coach with over two decades of experience in personal growth and human connection. In her quest to challenge the “Disney-fied” notions of love we’ve all been fed; Chantal introduces the true reality of what love really means. She is here to disrupt the myths and fairy tales, guiding people toward understanding that real love is about creating genuine, lasting connections built on mutual respect, emotional safety, and shared growth. Her mission is to help individuals discover the path to authentic and lasting love and she is dedicated to empowering her readers with the knowledge and tools needed to create healthy, fulfilling relationships.
