Practical Strategies To Build Better Connections
By: Chantal Landreville, Certified Love & Relationship Coach and author of Raise Your Love Signal: A Guide to Attracting and Keeping the Love of Your Life
Building and maintaining a healthy, fulfilling relationship can often feel like figuring out a complicated puzzle. While there’s no one-size-fits-all solution, I’m always looking for the latest tools, studies, and data to help my clients as a love coach. That’s why I’m thrilled to share some exciting insights from neuroscience about how our brains work in the context of love and relationships. The science behind it can help us understand and improve our connections with others. Let’s dive into how neuroscience can help you build better relationships.
The Brain and Love
Love often gets romanticized as this magical, enigmatic experience, but it’s a lot about the brain’s chemistry. Neurotransmitters like dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin are critical players in our feelings about our partners.
Dopamine: The Pleasure Chemical
Dopamine is often referred to as the “pleasure chemical” because it’s associated with feelings of reward and happiness. When you first fall in love, dopamine levels increase dramatically, creating a sense of euphoria and excitement. That’s why new relationships feel so thrilling and so consuming. However, sustaining a relationship requires more than just the initial dopamine rush. According to neuroscientist Dr. Helen Fisher, long-term relationships are supported by different neural circuits than those that govern initial attraction. As the relationship progresses, the brain’s reward system adapts, and the intense euphoria of early love gives way to more profound attachment and bonding.
Oxytocin: The Bonding Hormone
Oxytocin, often dubbed the “love hormone,” plays a significant role in bonding and attachment. It’s released during physical touch, such as hugging, kissing, and sex, fostering feelings of closeness and trust. Studies have shown that oxytocin can increase feelings of empathy and emotional connection, which are vital for a healthy relationship.
Research published in Nature found that oxytocin can enhance social bonding and increase partner trust. This hormone helps us feel connected and secure, laying the foundation for a robust, long-term relationship.
Serotonin: The Mood Stabilizer
Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps regulate mood and social behavior. Low serotonin levels are often linked to mood disorders like depression and anxiety, which can impact how we relate to others. Ensuring our serotonin levels are balanced is essential—it helps us maintain emotional stability, leading to smoother relationships with fewer conflicts and misunderstandings.
Communication: The Neural Basis of Connection
Effective communication (my favorite!) is really the foundation of any healthy relationship. Neuroscience shows us that the way we communicate is deeply rooted in our brain’s wiring, which means our brains play a big role in how we connect and interact with others. Understanding this can help us improve our communication skills and build stronger relationships.
Mirror Neurons: The Empathy Drivers
Mirror neurons are these remarkable brain cells that kick in when we do something or watch someone else do the same thing. They’re crucial to empathy, helping us understand and share what others are feeling. When you empathize with your partner, your mirror neurons help you mirror their emotions, creating a deeper connection. This neural mirroring is essential for effective communication and emotional bonding.
The Role of Active Listening
Active listening means focusing on what your partner is saying, not just hearing the words. Neuroscience shows that active listening can strengthen brain connections, helping us better understand and respond to our partner’s needs. Dr. John Gottman, a top relationship researcher, found that couples who practice active listening are better at resolving conflicts and keeping their relationships healthy. Engaging in active listening creates a safe space for open and honest communication.
Conflict Resolution: The Neural Pathways to Harmony
Conflicts are bound to happen in any relationship, but how we handle them can impact the bond. Understanding how our brains work during conflicts can help us manage disagreements more effectively.
The Fight-or-Flight Response
When we’re in a conflict, the brain’s amygdala kicks in with the fight-or-flight response, releasing stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. This can make it challenging to think clearly and stay calm during an argument. But by using the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain that handles decision-making and impulse control—we can override the amygdala’s reaction. Mindfulness practices, like deep breathing and meditation, help activate the prefrontal cortex, promoting calm and rational thinking during conflicts.
Neuroplasticity: Rewiring Your Relationship
Neuroplasticity is the brain’s unique ability to reorganize by forming new neural connections. This means we can change our behavior and improve our relationships over time. By consistently practicing positive relationship behaviors—like expressing gratitude, showing empathy, and resolving conflicts constructively—we can rewire our brains to strengthen our connections. Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, a top researcher in positive psychology, found that cultivating positive emotions enhances neuroplasticity, leading to more resilient and fulfilling relationships.
Practical Strategies for Better Relationships that increase happiness and bonding:
Try these practical strategies based on neuroscience to help improve your relationships:
1-Prioritize Physical Bonding: Make a habit of regular physical affection to increase oxytocin levels and deepen your bond.
2-Practice Active Listening: Focus on understanding your partner’s perspective instead of dismissing it to nurture empathy and strengthen your connection.
3-Manage Stress Together: Use mindfulness practices to keep stress levels in check and stay calm during conflicts.
4-Express Gratitude: Regularly show appreciation for your partner to reinforce positive neural pathways.
5-Seek Professional Help Early: Don’t wait until issues escalate; seek guidance from a relationship coach or therapist to build your toolbox and improve your relationship dynamics.
Understanding the neuroscience behind love and relationships empowers you to apply these insights, building a stronger, more fulfilling connection with your partner. What do you have to lose to embrace this understanding of love? After all, science says it works!
ABOUT:
Chantal Landreville is an author and a Toronto-based certified Love and Relationship Coach with over two decades of experience in personal growth and human connection. Her mission is to help individuals discover the path to authentic and lasting love, and she is dedicated to empowering her readers with the knowledge and tools needed to create healthy, fulfilling relationships. Chantal’s work emphasizes personal development, self-acceptance, and effective communication.
