How to Breakdown the Red and Green Flags When It Comes To Dating


Chantal Landreville, Certified Love & Relationship Coach and author of  Raise Your Love Signal: A Guide to Attracting and Keeping the Love of Your Life 

In the complex world of dating, how to interpret the signals that potential partners send our way is a skill worth mastering.  After all, we can’t read people’s minds or fully understand their past baggage when we’ve just met them. What may sometimes initially appear as a red flag might might actually be a green one in disguise, and vice versa.  It’s important to see the difference between both because we can quickly judge, make assumptions or even blame potential partners without even knowing them. 

Let me share some concrete ways to help you recognize the dating flags to help you uncover what’s really happening beneath the surface.  But before, I want you to remember, every encounter is a chance to learn and grow. Make sure to keep your heart open and embrace each experience, knowing that it brings you one step closer to discovering the love that’s meant for you. Make sure to pick up a copy of my book:  Raise Your Love Signal- A Guide to Attracting and Keeping the Love of Your Life” to help you navigate in your journey to Love wherever you are.

Ok, let’s dive into it.

Let’s start with Green Flags Mistaken for Red Flags:

Taking it Slow:

In a world where everyone’s in a rush, taking things slow in a relationship might seem a bit odd. But trust me, there’s something special about it. It’s not about disinterest; it’s about being emotionally mature. It’s like saying, “Hey, I’m not here for the quick thrill. I’m here for something real, and that takes time to grow and unfold.”

Learning from Past Relationships:

Because sometimes the best way to grow and evolve is to learn through our mistakes through past relationships! It signifies self-awareness and growth. It’s also a great way to get clarity on what really matters to be in a healthy relationship and how to navigate future connections more effectively.

Speaking Up and Standing Ground:

Being assertive isn’t about being pushy or aggressive—it’s about being clear and direct. When you can express your needs and boundaries with clarity, it shows emotional intelligence and effective communication skills, which are vital for building a strong and thriving relationship.

Valuing your Independence:

This might seem like a fear of commitment but it actually shows a strong sense of self, and not losing themselves in the relationship. With that being said, it’s important to clearly express the importance of individual freedom while affirming commitment to the relationship.  It’s all about finding harmony between independence and partnership.

Here are some Red Flags Hiding Behind Green Flags:

Adapting Excessively to Your Partner’s Likes & Preferences:

Don’t get me wrong, taking into consideration what your partner likes is thoughtful and kind.  However, if it gets to a point where you’re consistently disregarding your own wants and needs, it can lead to unhealthy dynamics. It’s extremely important to learn how to maintain a balance between accommodating your partner and honoring your own desires to mutually have a fulfilling relationship.

Constant Need for Communication:

Communication is a key fundamental of any healthy relationship solidity. Yet, an overwhelming need for constant communication can sometimes indicate deeper issues such as codependency or insecurity. (Hello my anxious attachments styles!) Knowing how to balance between staying connected and maintaining individual independence is essential to foster strong and thriving partnerships.

Major Differences in Values and Goals:

Of course, differences can bring spice, variety and excitement!  However, in the long run, it can set the stage for potential conflicts, and significant differences in fundamental aspects when the honeymoon phase fades away.  Aligning on core values is crucial for a sustainable and harmonious relationship.

Being the Easygoing One:

Being easygoing is often seen as a cool and laidback trait.  But truth is, it might be masking a lack of authenticity and a fear of dealing with any potential conflicts head-on creating potential resentment in relationship later in life.  Can your partner express their truth?  Authentic communication and the ability to navigate through conflicts openly are essential for a healthy relationship.

By understanding the subtle hints and reading in between the lines with just a few of these examples, you can save yourself a lot of hassle and heartache in dating.  It can also provide you with valuable insights into a person’s intentions, character, and compatibility.  Are they genuinely interested or just stringing you along?

While it can be tempting to rush to judgment or make assumptions based on surface-level observations, remember, what may initially appear as a red flag could, in fact, be a green one in disguise, and vice versa. Instead of jumping to conclusions, embrace the opportunity to learn and grow from each experience, knowing that it brings you one step closer to finding the love that’s meant for you.

So, as you continue on your dating journey, keep your heart open and your instincts sharp. Trust in your ability to recognize both the warning signs and the signs of potential compatibility.


Chantal Landreville is a Toronto-based certified love and relationship with over two decades of experience in personal growth and human connection. Her mission is to help individuals discover the path to authentic and lasting love and is dedicated to empowering her readers with the knowledge and tools needed to create healthy, fulfilling relationships. Chantal’s work is renowned for its emphasis on personal development, self-acceptance, and effective communication. She is an advocate for love as a transformative force in people’s lives. | IG: @chantal.landreville

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